What bridges are you building?

We build many bridges with family, friends, acquaintances, social contracts, strangers… the list is long. Social connections make us feel better and helps us share our lives with others. ‘Don’t burn your bridges’ we are warned.

“Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge.” – Don Henley

But what if you do not want to spend your time and effort in burning a bridge down? Maybe you have reached an exciting new space where the old bridge simply does not matter anymore. Maybe you’re focused on a future that is far more interesting than the bridge you’ve crossed. Or maybe you are not the kind to keep looking back and tripping yourself up.

Whatever the reason, there is no need to make a conscious effort to burn any bridge down or spend a great deal of time agonizing over it. Unlike a physical bridge, the life bridges that no longer serve us do not disintegrate slowly. Instead, they simply disappear when we no longer give them any space in our mind. So choose the bridges that you need to maintain with care and make a conscious effort to strengthen them rather than frittering away your energy on bridges that do not need your attention.

“You can focus on things that are barriers or you can focus on scaling the wall or redefining the problem.”- Tim Cook

Why then do so many spend tremendous amounts of time and energy trying to maintain bridges that are of no use to them? Humans lock themselves up in a cage far more potent than any physical one—the cage of fear. Life becomes an endless pattern of recreating the past because they keep doing the same thing distrusting life’s possibilities. They spend their lives barricading themselves against life until the inevitable end.

When you come alive to life, all manifestations of fear—the justifications, excuses and reasons you give yourself for not following your inner voice— recede. You will also accept that your time here is limited. You will recognize that fear is exacerbated when you are among the fearful. You will then make every attempt to unglue yourself, climb over the barriers you have built and walk across that bridge.

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” – Rosa Parks

Once you start walking, there is only joy and lightness. All you need to do is keep moving forward, secure in the knowledge that life will open up in your favor. The journey maps itself out in your head and blossoms. What withers life is remaining where you are even if you are miserable because you are chained by fear.

Self-optimization is not about painting a perfect picture of yourself to the outside world or demonstrate that you are functioning at your best possible ability at all times. It is not about craving validation from others. It is about conquering your own fears and living a life that supports your interests. It is freeing up more time to focus on what is important to you.

The less fearful you are, the more life works in your favor. It opens up wonderful vistas as you cross more bridges. You get to meet others who are curious, full of dreams and less fearful of moving forward too. Listening to them fortifies you to explore even further. You know that life will continue to work in the best possible way every time you stand on a new bridge enjoying another fabulous view.

“I find that it’s best to take one step at a time and cross each bridge as they come to you.” – Michael Stuhlbarg