Hello Y’all, We have an uplifting guest post by Palak Mehra this week. Thank you, Palak, and welcome!
How my kids took over my life and changed me.
These are unprecedented and trying times for parents. We are witnessing a pandemic, a notion we would have found ridiculous even a month back. Most of us are spending more time with our kids than we ever thought we would. As I look at my sons adjusting to the new reality and home-schooling lessons, I find myself reflecting on the many lessons I continue to learn from them.
Before I had kids, I hardly noticed them or attempted to understand them. At any rate, I never seemed to come across many during my twenties and early thirties. I lived in an apartment complex in the Washington, D.C. area, interacting with other young professionals. My fellow commuters had diplomatic and political leanings, with conversations revolving around the current political and art scene. Bush and the Iraq War, elections in Senegal, and the latest art movie were common topics of discussion. Weekends were spent devouring The New York Times, brunches with friends, bike rides, and nights out in Georgetown bars.
We had our first boy after fulfilling the so-called American dream: stable jobs, decent commutes, and a house (alas, no picket fence). I was in my mid-thirties and thought that a baby would be another minor milestone. Boy, was I wrong! The tiny bundle took over our lives. His things – diapers, clothes, crib, and toys – filled the house. My second son followed a few years later and our lives became even more chaotic. This was the ultimate Coup.
The little monsters are now 11 and seven. I’ve learnt so much more since they become part of our lives.
“Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.”
~ Jess Lair
Time management and multitasking. Before I had kids, I would saunter into work at 9.00 am and stay at the office until 8.30 or 9.00 pm. After I became a mother, the nanny who cared for my kids would not stay a minute beyond 6.00 pm. So, I had to make my day as efficient and as productive as possible. Long lunches and happy hours became memories, replaced by desk lunches and quick swigs of coffee. I would be greeted at the metro station by my nanny and an eager infant. My second shift began…
Finding joy in small things. I will always remember my five-month-old’s excitement on his first Amtrak train trip when we went to visit my sister in New York. Multiple people to coo at and the ever-changing scenery kept him entertained. We also took him to Washington Square Park that has a giant fountain. I had passed it many times, but he was seeing it for the first time. His unbridled excitement made me smile. We spent a couple of hours at the fountain watching people. He has taught me how to live in the moment, to pause and look at the world around me, and to find joy in the simple things.
Making new friends. Being recent immigrants, we did not have many old friendships. We met most of our friends at work or happy hours for young professionals. Having a kid opened up a whole new world. We met amazing people with toddlers at the park and exchanged numbers. I’m happy to write that our friendships have outgrown our kids. We now meet and even vacation together without our kids. Conversations have naturally evolved from diapers and bottles to politics and prosecco and yes, our kids are as close as siblings.
Acknowledging my weaknesses. My younger son had some challenges as a toddler and required physical therapy to work on his core strength. He took great pride in his therapy and shared it with all his little cheerleader friends who helped him overcome his fears. No judgment. Just pride with the drive to keep improving. I have a few irrational fears and my brave son has inspired me to conquer them. I’m still a work in progress!
Curiosity. My first born is also called ‘curious George’ for all the questions he asked as a toddler. He continues to be obsessed with random facts and has a keen interest in geopolitics. This includes an almost irrational obsession with the Middle East and North Korea. He was a finalist at his school Geo Bee. I learnt so much by helping him prepare for it, like understanding more about different cultures and countries. Learning is a continuous process and it is important to always be curious.
Compassion and kindness. My older son is calm, rational, composed, and logical. My younger one is an emotional and expressive child, aware of his strengths and weaknesses. He reaches out and takes younger, quieter kids under his wing. His school has been very instrumental in shaping his focus on compassion and inclusiveness. Kids are rewarded for their acts of kindness rather than academic prowess. As children struggle with navigating social structures, I am beyond appreciative of his school’s focus on kindness and empathy.
Being open to different experiences. I used to dread traveling with my kids. The thought of lugging all their paraphernalia on a 10-hour flight was daunting. With great trepidation, we planned a family trip to Paris. We planned to spend time at the Louvre followed by dinner at an upscale restaurant. I was pleasantly surprised by how much fun they had at the museum. The guide, a wonderful young lady, was patient and kind, answering all their questions. At the restaurant, to my dismay, my toddler started running around, laughing until he tripped near the bathroom. Immediately, a lovely young lady scooped him up and comforted him in French. It was an immensely sweet gesture from a stranger. Children are so simple and have such an open mind. My son with his carefree attitude also taught me the importance of being open to different experiences.
It has been a fun journey so far. I am sure there will be many more life lessons along the way. I wonder what new challenges middle school and puberty will bring? Like all parents, I can only hope for the best and keep my fingers and toes crossed. For now, I shall just live in the moment and enjoy the ride!
While homeschooling my kids, I consider myself schooled as well!
Comments (61)
Loved the write up and it’s so true about kids opening your eyes to a new world of experience. Each child is unique and a special person we must learn to understand and appreciate. Love and appreciation are food for their soul👍🏻
Palak.. you write so lucidly. Your thoughts are crystal clear and it reflects our current day to day life with our kids. Indeed kids are an eye opener. We learn and unlearn so many things with them. When we start to see their eyes, we start to enjoy the mundane things in life which we took for granted or wouldn’t care to give a second glance. A very refreshing write-up… keep it up…
Dhonnobad my friend! Yes indeed so much to learn from them
Very well written, so many can relate to the experiences.
Very true and spoken from the heart. Great parenthood perspective- makes one see the joy and positivity in becoming a parent:)
Nanu maasi is the best! The joy and love between you and my boys is so so special. You rock. Could not have chosen a better person to be quarantined with
Absolutely Love it! So true & close to what we all experience.
No wonder kids teach us a lot as they grow old. I have 3 of mine and i can see how my life has changed over the past 12 years. Very hectic but full of love, joy & adventure.
Love the article, Palak! And so true – our kids have totally taken over our lives but we should make an effort to ‘enjoy the ride’ and be more ‘present’.
Palak.. you write so lucidly. Your thoughts are crystal clear and it reflects our current day to day life with our kids. Indeed kids are an eye opener. We learn and unlearn so many things with them. When we start to see their perspective, we start to enjoy the mundane things in life which we took for granted or wouldn’t care to give a second glance. A very refreshing write-up… keep it up…
Thanks a lot for your wonderful comments ladies. Enjoying the ride and adventure so far :). Rina, a new world of experience indeed. Ammara, Shweta and Rachna the ride is much more fun with you guys in the mix 🙂
Beautifully written Palak. Extremely well expressed your experience of this wonderful journey of your life. I sincerely hope, It will get more interesting and every moment will be cherished .
Thanks Sunando ! Hope its more interesting in the good way :). My kids are such rascals!
Great write up Palak it is true we learn so much from our children .
Lovely and well said. They keep learning and teaching many things to us. The main thing we admired and have to learn from the kids are their unconditional love, forget and forgiveness I think.
Beautifully expressed! I really enjoyed reading the post. And love how you’ve summed it up in your last sentence – While homeschooling my kids, I consider myself schooled as well! 🙂
Thanks Ashvee you rock . Sid can school all of us with his intellect, wit and crazy sense of humor.
Beautifully written!!!! Loved how you expressed 2 kids having different personalities and compassion in kids towards adults and vice versa. Both of mine are way older but every stage is beautiful. As parents, life is INCOMPLETE without our kids. Great blog Palak!!!!
Deeply insightful and left an indelible impression on me.
Comforting during these trying times and now looking forward to delve into many more daily reflections.
Brilliant!!
From a devoted patron this day onwards.
A wonderful read. Shows the contrast between a child s thought process and ours. Kids are very adaptive and we give them very little credit for that.. very well expressed Palak
Thanks Neetu darling. They are indeed adaptive and surprise us with their thoughts and actions. When i look at Ally and Ray ray, I am a proud aunt and sister!
Palak I really enjoyed the article and I learned a lot from Raghav’s geopost and do keep forwarding the next few sessions. It’s also so nice of the younger one to take younger quieter kids under his wing and that the school teaches compassion. .My little interaction with parents in schools in India are that they give so much homework that parents end up doing everything.
Dear Palak… thoroughly enjoyed reading it….your composition is excellent…..very rich in contents, frankness and lucidity….. keep writing….you are too good…. Godspeed
Beautifully written Palak. We all loved reading it. Another gifted writer in the family. Looking forward to many more.
Such a pleasant and simple write up, I actually began visualising each scene while reading. Life always surprises us when we least expect it and adapting to these changes is what makes us what we are. Looking forward to more of these snippets…!
Thanks Sunmbul ! You are one fierce woman with the most awesome daughters . And yes this is a completely unbiased opinion :). Insha was the first kid that I connected with and she is such a star. Rida of course is intimidatingly intellectual.
This is so nice!!! and well written. Enjoy every bit of this experience with your kids, mine is now 23 and I really miss those days.
Thanks Ami you have done such a wonderful job of bringing up your daughter. She is truly awesome
What a lovely writeup Palak! Made me smile as I read about the kids.. they definitely teach us to stop and enjoy the little things life has to offer. We haven’t taken the Europe trip yet with the kids but after reading your posts, I am motivated to travel with the monkeys :-)!
Hope to see you soon friend and keep writing. Simple, thoughtful and motivating read!
Thanks Shweta . If I have inspired you to travel with your adorable monkeys I consider that mission accomplished. Cannot wait to celebrate with you once this lock down is over
Excellent article and great perspective! We do need to slow down and enjoy the time with family and kids!! Let’s help everyone create as good memories of this time as we can!!
Thanks for the compliment my dearest friend. Yes time to slow down and enjoy time with the family
What a lovely written piece! So true! Great perspective! Our lives have changed so much since having kids! We need to slow down and enjoy the ride!
Thanks Ling! You are a super woman s on the move always helping others. Such an inspiration
Palak, very well written! This is so true. Kids definitely change our perspective and attitude toward so many things. Mine has taught be to smile through the most adverse times. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Jaya thanks! Your kids are amazing resilient warriors and so are you!
Very interesting read Palak!
Thanks Pankaj!
Kubh bhalo laglo Palak.I can relate to it-my younger is so hooked to gadgets and sports ,I get pissed off that he does not read a book but alas his knowledge,his instinct use of words and power to articulate at times makes me wonder where does he gather so much on the opposite I wouldn’t be surprised had it come from my elder one who is a voracious reader but that what make kids special.
Thanks for your comments Yes Prithviraj isn’t it amazing how siblings can be so different! They are all special
Palak.. you write so lucidly. Your thoughts are crystal clear and it reflects our current day to day life with our kids. Indeed kids are an eye opener. We learn and unlearn so many things with them. When we start to see through their eyes, we start to enjoy the mundane things in life which we took for granted or wouldn’t care to give a second glance. A very refreshing write-up… keep it up…
Thanks Jayashree!!
Palak ! You’re a natural ! Absolutely love your blog. I can relate to it at all the levels you mentioned. Learning to notice and appreciate the small, simple things in life. Learning new ways of doing things, overcoming our own fears and shortcomings. And of course, getting to make many more friends and have many varying experiences of our World ! KEEP WRITING !!
Thanks a ton Priya ! Glad to have met amazing people like you on this journey 🙂
Such true and heart inspiring words! When I got married everyone said my life would change, it really did not. When I had my children, my life, heart, and soul changed. Even though they are older now, life will never just be about me again. And I’m definitely better for it. Thanks for articulating what parents know but can’t always say. ❤️
Thanks for your comments Lisa . They mean a lot. You KNOW I always look to your for advice both on health and most importantly parenting. Your kids are as awesome as you. Cannot wait to see you once this crisis is over!!
True to my life too! What a thoughtfully written article. Please keep them coming …
Thanks Ritika !
Awesome Palak..loved the way you simply and beautifully elucidated the learnings ..indeed we adults need to unlearn and learn …..keep writing and sharing ..your have it in you mate👍
Thanks dear cannot wait to meet you and your family!
Palak,
What an inspirational piece! Really awesome, beautifully written and straight from the heart story. I liked the lessons and examples about parenting . Reminds me of what it was like many years back and also serves as good preparation for those who are about to embark on the journey. Well done and keep writing.
Dear Mercy
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me coming from a good friend and my mentor. You are a great model and your four wonderful boys are testimony to your great parenting.
Best regards to you and Andy
Palak
That’s Palak for forwarding your blogpost to me. I enjoyed reading your post and can follow it well but learnt so much about your excellent support to all and managing your life well . I am happy my child and GChildren are in very safe hands! Best wishes
Thanks Appa! Not sure about your son but your grandsons are in safe hands rest assured 🙂
What a beautiful article Palak! Could relate to so much ! You have organised your thoughts so beautifully and penned them so eloquently , that they almost seem mine.
Really, kids do have that power to transform us and bring out a new version of us.
Would love to read more from you.
Shuchi!!! So true I have seen you from the time you were 14 and now your kid is close to that age. Crazy! Great to see your evolution and as an educator you will be influencing so many more!
Very interesting and well written article Palak.
Enjoyed reading it.Viji forwarded to our group.
God Bless you all👌👌.
Thanks so much. Am happy you enjoyed reading it
Excellently And thoughtfully written.
Thanks so much
Oh God.. this is so so true about kids and how they grow up with their own individuality!! Such beautifully captured thoughts… awesome …. very well penned Palak. Always knew you will write a book or blog.. maybe it’s time. Completely loving the flow of this piece.. virtually gives a tour of more than a decade of time lapsed after you moved to US. With two kids being a handful .. taking time out to put this together is an achievement on its own! Keep this coming… and see you soon .. sending you long distance hugs and much real love!!
Thanks for your comment Radha. Coming from a creative person like you its a huge compliment!