Do you strive to be appropriate at all times?

Most of us strive to create careful, appropriate appearances and roles based on societal standards. What purpose does being appropriate serve in general?

Being appropriate has many advantages. It is essential to maintain harmony in many aspects of our daily lives. We get appropriate schooling and appropriate jobs. We create appropriate families, spend a massive slice of our lives creating appropriate careers, and spend time creating environments that reflect our success to others.

Appropriate also happens to be one of my favorite words. It can be used in a variety of ways without fear of retribution. It can be interpreted in myriad ways and everyone does, based on what they’d like to believe. It is a kind and powerful word. It allows you to escape by hiding behind it. It is a convenient word.

Does being appropriate serve you at all times, though?

Unfortunately, ‘appropriate’ also conflicts with another powerful word. Authentic. Be authentic, we are told. From what I’ve gathered, it appears that being appropriate at all times conflicts with our ability to be authentic. The two simply don’t go together in areas that matter most, at least for most individuals.

Appropriate becomes an insidious word when it clashes with your moral compass – the core of who you are. When something blatantly unfair unfolds before your eyes, you feel the need to use your authentic voice rather than your appropriate voice. You want to be heard. The unease sets in when you are in environments that force you to be appropriate – a silent witness to injustice – and barter your core value system for other beliefs or material.

This uneasiness never quite goes away although you try to numb it with multiple external cushions – a better title, more power, higher salary, and the ‘bigger is better’ consolation. You subjugate yourself to appropriateness with the goal of adhering to standards enforced by others. Material wealth, not your moral compass, becomes your brand.

For most, this need to disobey one’s moral compass arises from fear and the belief that you are obligated to remain in a small space with no other option to survive. Belief in something can be a great obstacle or a great freedom. For instance, the belief that someone with limited authority in a specific area somehow controls your life can be damaging. Your vision becomes narrow and restricted. Every day becomes Groundhog Day (watch this movie if you haven’t), repeating itself in monochrome until you decide to free yourself.

What happens when you continue to treat the symptoms instead of the cause? The medication helps relieve or mute the symptoms for a while. You take the medication in increasing doses to keep the symptoms at bay. Eventually, you get addicted to the medicine but the disease spreads anyway, causing you great pain because your core value system is not in alignment with what you do.

There is a nagging feeling that there is something elusive and unreachable that you can never lay your hands on. There is a deep thirst inside you that nothing seems to satisfy. Polishing yourself is hard work so you restrict yourself to a familiar routine, morphing into a dull, lethargic version of yourself.

Instead, try to be like a compass. It always points North whether you’re in a forest, desert, mountain or on the high seas, enabling you to determine other directions and reach a safe place. Listen to your inner compass. You might make decisions that make you unpopular with some people but better ones will come into your life. When you let your inner compass guide you, you feel authentic. A deep sense of peace comes over you. You are not fearful anymore.

When I was a student, a professor told me something I’ve never forgottn: “Always listen to your moral compass. You might have to pay a price but you will feel fulfilled and know how to make your way. If you can sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, you know your moral compass is in order.” Is your moral compass in order?