What is the best gift you can give yourself?

Noise is an intrinsic part of our lives. The phone ringing, a car on the road, someone talking, the TV in another room, our own voices… If there’s nothing to do, we watch movies or listen to music. People go out of their way to fill their lives with sound. Silence and solitude stand alone at the opposite end of the spectrum. Stigmatized and feared in our super-connected world.

Yet, the very thing many feared is now a part of our lives. During the past months, there has been a reduction in noise. Life is still noisy, but it is now punctuated with significant pauses as well. This is disconcerting to many. They might text or call someone or switch on the TV to avoid these pauses. They do not want to be alone with their thoughts or feelings. They are afraid of sitting alone in silence, observing themselves.

People make massive mistakes because they fear loneliness. They desperately seek other humans to overcome this fear and end up with the wrong ones. They are unhappy and feel lonelier than ever. They could ask themselves this question instead: How can I expect someone else to be comfortable in my company if I am full of fear and not comfortable with who I am?

“If you are alone and getting bored, then obviously you are in bad company.” – Sadhguru

Others attempt to get validation through virtual contacts although numerous studies have established that social media is a poor substitute for meaningful relationships and friendships nurtured in person over the years. You cannot wish your loneliness away by staring at your phone.

Many depend on external forces or a group to validate their sense of self. They choose to believe that they cannot exist without the validation of that group or other people. Their self-awareness is low since their sense of self is derived from others and not from within. They hardly know themselves and wonder why they are unhappy. They could ask themselves this question: How can I have a fulfilling life if I need others to define who I am?

Solitude is not the mere absence of noise. It helps you overcome your fears, gain clarity and develop a strong sense of self from within. It helps improve the quality of your life, do what is best for yourself, and improves your relationships. It helps you grow and change, leaving behind anything that pulls you down. It helps you introspect and look into yourself. What am I feeling? Am I afraid to feel it? Is there something I would like to change? How can I start working towards that change?

Every pause you have now is a wonderful opportunity to meet and understand yourself better. Instead of avoiding or suppressing distressing emotions, solitude allows you the space to feel, observe, live with what you are feeling, and then let it go. You don’t avoid or bottle up emotions that can lead to resentment or misery. Accept your time alone and learn to relish it. When you start enjoying your own company, you step out of loneliness and into solitude. Solitude frees you to be the joyful and light being you are meant to be.

“Not all of us are called to be hermits, but all of us need enough silence and solitude in our lives to enable the deeper voice of our own self to be heard at least occasionally.” – Thomas Merton

Taking a walk in a woody area by yourself – preferably without headphones or any other gadget – is a great way to introduce solitude to yourself. In his famous essay titled ‘Solitude’ (Walden), Henry Thoreau emphasized the healing power of solitude and Nature. He wrote that loneliness is a state of mind that cannot be dispelled by physically being with someone. He suggested that it could even increase your loneliness. Solitude, he said, helps us understand and connect with ourselves. It is a natural state for any human being to experience. This in turn helps us live an authentic life, in harmony with others and the world.

Discover the stillness and lightness within you by giving yourself the gift of solitude today.

When from our better selves we have too long
Been parted by the hurrying world, and droop,
Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired,
How gracious, how benign, is Solitude; – William Wordsworth