Are you still playing this game?
There is a game that most of us participate in, expecting to win. But we never do. No one does. What is this amazing game that keeps humans so engrossed although everyone fails at it? It is called ‘The Contest for Universal Popularity’.
Why does everyone continue playing a game leading to confusion and regret? Why do they continue going down this rabbit hole, although the result is defeat? Why do you continue playing it? Let’s look at the rules, which is where we need to start in order to understand any game.
The rule (and there’s only one rule – easy!) is simple: you can become universally popular and ‘liked’ if you become Someone Everyone Likes (SEL). In other words, you can morph into a SEL by becoming some sort of mutating hybrid with no defined personality or agenda of your own; someone who desperately tries to please others in order to become ‘likeable’, a vague term that can be used to keep you firmly ensconced in SEL territory all your life.
When you recognize who makes and speaks about this rule most often, things get even more perplexing. The rule is made and propagated by those who know that it is impossible for any human to become a SEL. It has been developed by formidable individuals who know that this is a losing game. Formidable because they know what they want and will focus on getting it by convincing others to play at becoming SELs.
Puzzling. Why would they do this instead of sharing their knowledge with SELs and help them see that in order to become a Formidable, life is a game played on one’s own terms and not a losing popularity contest? Some Formidables—and these are rare—do. If you meet an enlightened Formidable, hang on for dear life because you are among the luckiest. Most Formidables, though, prefer to keep the SELs in ignorance because they need to feed off the energy of SELs in order to develop and become Formidable themselves.
That’s not fair. I hear you. But when has life been fair? If you fall for rules created to serve the needs of a few, life is certainly unfair. If you fall for narrow frameworks disguised as the truth, keeping you imprisoned in your own fear of change and unable to move out of your comfort zone, life will be unfulfilling. Instead of screaming unfair, train yourself to consider the big picture. Are you gaining by being an SEL, who constantly has to mutate until you become a shapeless blob with no will of your own? Are you comfortable in this uncomfortable space?
Is there a way to win at all? This insidious game ends when you realize that in order to win, there is only one thing you need to do: walk away. Let others continue to tussle in the arena. Shake off anyone who tries to pull you back in.
The good news is that You – and You alone – can empower yourself to move on. It is hard to move beyond a lifetime of being conditioned to be an SEL and start walking on the the path to becoming a Formidable but that is just what you need to do. Fear and anxiety will try to befriend you at every step. Train yourself to accept and walk along with them. They will disappear as quickly as they appeared.
Focus on being true to yourself instead of wasting time wondering about what others think of you. Simplify your life and focus on doing what gives you joy. Never fear change. This will help you find your path to becoming a Formidable. And when you get there, focus on being an enlightened Formidable, sharing your knowledge and experience freely so that others may benefit too. While this may not make you universally popular, it will certainly make you a far better human being, respected and liked among those who matter to you.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
