Are you in good company?
How do you choose the people you spend time with? Do they bring out the best in you? Do you benefit from their company? Who we are with affects what we learn, how much we learn and what we do. It impacts how we enjoy life and handle life situations. Spend time with a bunch of whiners and you eventually become one. Spend time with people who see life as a journey rather than a static process and you too see it as a road where change is inevitable and welcome.
There are, of course, the forced social connections that we all need to deal with. These connections are in your life because of a social contract and not because either chose to be in the other’s company. These become easier to handle once you recognize that they sometimes work and sometimes not. You feel confident when you know that you have the power to break a forced social connection that does not serve you. The quality of your life plummets if you believe that you have no option but to tolerate such connections. This may be because you are reluctant to step out of a comfort zone or fail to actively search for ways to get rid of such connections. Inaction makes you feel disempowered and diminished.
“Always keep good company. Never waste an hour with anyone who doesn’t lift you up and encourage you.” – Spencer Kimball
Why do we choose the wrong company? If you have not consciously devoted time to understanding yourself, you simply imitate the most visible or strongest models in your immediate environment even though their values or what they aspire for may not be what you need in your life. You want to do what they do, be in the company they are in or have what they have. Their ideal life becomes yours instead of the one that you need to construct for yourself. You think you are doing all that you should but not getting the promised life results. This can seem like wandering around in a mental maze, unable to discover who you are or build an improved life.
How do you avoid this trap? By looking at the person you spend the most time with – yourself. Before searching for company outside, prioritize yourself and take time to contemplate your needs. Do you identify with that strong role model or are you simply imitating what others in your group do, rather than considering your unique needs? Does this imitation make you feel emotionally enriched or depleted? Do you look forward to living this way for the rest of your life?
“Good company will always be found much less expensive than bad.” – George Washington
If the answers are no, then you need to start exploring the most important person in your life – You. Become comfortable spending time in your own company before you start searching for fulfilling company outside. Otherwise, you will continue to wing it in any company that happens to come your way without developing meaningful, sustainable and long-term relationships that make you shine or simply tolerate existing interactions, however unfulfilling they may be.
Once you are at ease with yourself, you naturally gravitate towards those who share your interests. You stop sticking to people who happen to be around you and step out of your comfort zone. You stop sticking to a tribe because they happen to look and talk like you. Instead, you seek people who think like you. You choose to interact with them in person instead of staking your identity at the altar of social media and likes by strangers. This does not mean isolating yourself. It does mean that you become more deliberate about the company you keep.
“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” – Epictetus
When you are deliberate about the choice of company you keep, you grow by leaps and bounds. A change in socially contracted interactions makes no difference to the quality of your life because your deeper relationships are outside of that zone. You thrive because your identity is not based on narrow external impressions of what you should be. Rather, it is based on ongoing contemplation of who you are and finding ways to bloom, on your terms. The best company happens to you when you find yourself and become your best company.
