Are you stuck in a single fixed point?

A ‘fixed point’ is a constant that does not change. It is timeless. The North Star has been a fixed point for sailors for centuries. A constitution is a fixed point of reference for citizens of that country. In the business world, the vision or mission statement serves this purpose. A map has many fixed points. What are the benefits of fixed points? They give you something to move towards because they are clear and constant.

Fixed points serve you well when you are learning the ropes of life. Mothers are fixed points for children. A home is a fixed point for many. Banking a certain amount of money, acquiring a title and the power that goes with it or owning certain things may be fixed points or goals for adults. These are subjective fixed points, though. They are not common to all humans.

There are only two common fixed points for all of humanity – birth and death. Every individual goes through these experiences. They are constant and don’t change. What happens in between these two points is what we call ‘life.’  Our experiences – joys, sorrows, friendships, losses… – happen between birth and death. We determine our fixed points during the time allotted to us between these two constants.

“The self-renewing man never feels that he has ‘arrived.’ ” – John W. Gardner

Fixed points in life provide a finite limit to get to some place you want to be in (or thought you wanted to be in), but they are not the end. Nor are they indicators of what lies beyond. They may bring closure in some way – usually in very defined material terms – but reaching a fixed point does not mean discovering your life’s meaning or purpose. This can be disappointing because many believe that getting to some point will also provide endless fulfillment and happiness.  

Reaching a fixed point can be rather underwhelming. You now have what you thought you needed but what lies beyond seems foggy, like a field of clouds. Unfamiliar and strange. Now what? The very act of stepping into the unknown is so frightening that many stay there, unable to move on. How do you know if you are that person, the one clinging to your fixed point?

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.” – Joseph Campbell

For starters, you can’t even imagine how anyone would survive ‘outside’ because the ‘world’ to you means the tiny environment you have restricted yourself to. You have no time for thinking about anything except what happens in that little space. The very fact that someone might dare let go and step out seems inconceivable, even horrifying. Everyone around you is comfortable, having reached their own fixed points. Maybe too comfortable. This is their world, defined by its sameness and nothing beyond seems worth exploring. Has it become yours as well?

“Comfort can be a dangerous thing. You stick around home all the time where it’s safe and nothing ever changes, and before you know it, you get set in your ways and you quit learning, you quit changing, you don’t grow anymore.” – Frank Peretti

You assume that your character, personality, intelligence, and creativity are fixed when you are in this situation. You define life and meaningful change as something that can happen only within the framework of what you regard as your ‘fixed’ self. This belief extends to your external dealings too. You think that you can exist only in a specific situation, among the same people. Your ideas of life’s fixed points are based on what others tell you they are. It becomes easy to convince yourself that life is an underwhelming and boring experience when that is all you permit yourself to believe.

What was meant to help you live well has now become a liability, draining your life energy and creativity. Why? Because your idea of a meaningful and fulfilling life may have changed or doesn’t sync with what others think it is. Maybe you simply want to get out there and live your life rather than exist in a meaningless and insulated comfort zone. How do you extricate yourself from this self-created world? You look at the larger picture and keep things in perspective.

“Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.” – Mireille Guiliano

A good fixed point should never feel too comfortable. When you reach it, you can enjoy its fruits for a time, always keeping in mind that it is just another stop along the way and should never be treated as a substitute for your life. A worthy fixed point will transform you in ways you never imagined. It should steer you in new directions and help you grow tremendously as a person.

The first step will always be a mixture of fear and excitement. Maybe your foot will hover in mid-air, wondering what tomorrow holds. Once you do, you can walk unexplored trails to more learning and open your mind to new discoveries. Every path that leads to your next fixed point seems like stepping towards a dazzling and brightly colored world. It makes you feel the way life should feel – alive and renewed.

“But the worst enemy you can encounter will always be you, yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in caves and woods. You must wish to consume yourself in your own flame: how could you wish to become new unless you had first become ashes!” –  Friedrich Nietzsche