Are you repeating the same act over and over again?

Repetition compulsion, according to Freud, is the desire to return to an earlier state of things. To somehow make things ‘as they were’ when our carefully constructed subjective world is upset. We attempt to do this by repeating the same behavior. Some of these could be harmless, like watching a favorite childhood movie or reading the same book repeatedly.

What Freud was attempting to convey, though, was the compulsive need to replay unhealthy behavior. Smoking, drinking, putting yourself in the company of those who make you feel diminished, creating and recreating toxic relationships… In general, anything traumatic that you put yourself through that follows the same relentless path and reaches the same sad conclusion.  

Why do people repeat something that traumatizes them? The reason is simple. We prefer the familiar, however awful it may be, to anything that is unfamiliar, however beneficial it might be. We are drawn to destructive repetitive patterns simply because they are familiar, even thought we might be intelligent enough to realize how destructive they are.

“I feel like I’m wasting time if I repeat myself.” – Heath Ledger

If humanity learnt from history, we would not keep repeating the mistakes made by our ancestors. But we do. Perhaps we are made that way. Perhaps we cannot help ourselves. If this is the case, it is even more important to live in a more conscious manner and become aware of our repetitive compulsive patterns as we grow older. Otherwise, we enact the same scene over and over again. This unending repetition eventually ceases to surprise us. We blame ‘fate’ or ‘destiny’ over which we have no control. It becomes a part of one’s ‘personality’ and no one is surprised because it appears that the individual is unable to steer away from the inevitable consequence of these patterns.

“We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams.” – Les Brown

A good example of repetition compulsion is abusive relationships when someone places themselves repeatedly in settings that expose them to physical or emotional violence. They expect to be treated in specific ways and accept it as normal because this is ‘life’ – a series of demeaning and traumatizing experiences. They will go to any length to justify why life is unfair and awful to them because they are afraid to look inward and confront the fear or trauma that has made them vulnerable to this treatment. Instead, they simply repeat the behavior they learned from an earlier trauma and allow themselves to be abused instead of walking out

“When you let go you create space for something better.” – Anonymous

As we all know (or should know), doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Our fear of the unknown is so strong that we tend to gravitate towards the familiar even at great cost to our wellbeing. Alcoholics will continue to drink, although they are aware how destructive it is to their health and relationships. Abusers will continue to abuse, as long as they have the power to do so. And behavior patterns will continue to run the same course, as long as you allow them to, with the same old results.

“Every day you must unlearn the ways that hold you back.” – Leon Brown

How do you get to different, better results? How do you enhance yourself and your experience of life? By acknowledging the element that is hindering a better life journey. Make a list of what you don’t need in your life. This could be a behavior, person, or environment. Instead of avoiding it, welcome and study it as objectively as you can.

Then start the process of removing these unnecessary elements from your life. Work hard on eliminating or repairing them. Instead of clinging desperately to the familiar, change course a little bit and test unfamiliar ground. This tiny change in course will give you heaps of confidence and courage to move towards better experiences. The unfamiliar looks far better now and not at all as awful as you imagined it would be.

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.” – Rosa Luxemburg

You become more adept at eliminating the unnecessary from your life until they play no part in it anymore. Progress continues to happen in little steps. Pat yourself on the back whenever you change course and move forward – you have not stayed stuck in muddy waters just because they are familiar. You have let go of that which restricted you and moved into fresh waters, trusting your inner guide to lead you well.  

Enhancing your life is not about the destination or some distant goal. It is in letting go of your self-created chains and enjoying life while it happens. It is in taking the surprises and the unexpected in your stride. Once you free yourself of the superfluous, you can enjoy the process of life in all its colors, knowing that your destiny now rests in your hands.

“If we are ready to tear down the walls that confine us, break the cage that imprisons us, we will discover what our wings are for.” – Michael Elmore-Meegan