Are you trying to fix others or solve their problems?

Have you ever provided a solution when a person shares a problem with you? They never asked for a solution, of course, but you could not resist providing a solution that you knew would work. Most people like to believe that they can fix someone else’s life by providing unsolicited ‘solutions’. That rarely happens. What does happen is that the concerned person will likely give you a wide berth in future.

A great life truth I learned is that people fix themselves if they really want to, not because someone keeps pushing them to. They ask for and are open to advice and guidance only after they have committed to change and are willing to work towards it. Just as you will fix yourself because you decide to and not because someone deigned to provide you with an unasked-for solution.

I remember trying to fix a friend for years by urging him to adopt a healthy lifestyle and lose weight. This well-meaning ‘advice’ (unsolicited, of course) only created more friction. However, the strength of our friendship carried us through in spite of this annoying habit of mine. Once I realized that he was fully capable of fixing himself if he really wanted to, I offered my support and encouragement if he needed it and laid off. It was a good life lesson. Since then, I’ve focused solely on fixing myself.

Stop trying to fix others. They will fix themselves. Instead, fix yourself. This, you will find, is a full-time project and will leave you with no time or inclination to provide unsolicited life solutions. What works in your life need not necessarily work for another person or vice versa. Listen to them but do not get sucked in so deeply that you attempt to provide solutions. They are more than capable of finding answers to their life issues and fixing themselves, just as you are.