Apples are equal to oranges. At least in our minds.
Apples and oranges are alike in that they are fruits, grow on trees and have seeds. Beyond that, they have different nutritional values, look and taste different. They have a few similarities and many differences. Those differences make them unique and special. We all agree that apples are not equal to oranges.
Our mind, though, believes otherwise. It has many devious tricks up its sleeve. A favorite one is telling us that apples are equal to oranges. We believe our minds. Every time. Otherwise, we wouldn’t waste time comparing ourselves to others. Even if we did, the world might be a better place where true sportsmanship, civil discourse and such rarities thrive if these comparisons were positive. How many of us aspire to be like, say, Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela? If we did, we might be working right now towards building better communities around us.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt
That’s not how our minds operate. In a world where avarice and excess are promoted as symbols of success, most humans know how to compare themselves to others by one metric: money. We usually tend to compare ourselves to someone who is wealthier or more successful and feel miserable. We are told that there is only one way to get there – the hamster wheel. We can’t wait to get rolling. There it is in front of us, made of gold and decorated with precious stones twinkling like fairy lights. How very attractive.
Once on it, we start buying things to make it seem like we too, have it all. A futile effort to equalize ourselves to our object of comparison. We are worried about what others, who are hamsters on their own wheels, think. And there’s always social media to increase one’s misery. We try to keep up appearances. This seldom satisfies us because it is not what we need. We go faster and faster on the wheel, trying to catch up. We never seem to. We never will. How very awful.
As far as self-confidence goes, so much of social media is about approval, getting likes, comparing our lives to others’ – meanwhile, confidence is an inside job: it’s about how you feel about yourself regardless of what anyone else does or thinks. It’s a knowing that you’re human, you’re flawed, and you’re awesome in your own way. – Jen Sincero
Before you start driving down comparison boulevard yet again, understand that appearances can be deceiving. Do you know anything about a person’s life or struggles? Are they worthy of following or is it just about the money? Will you feel fulfilled if you had what they have? It is one thing having wealth and success and quite another to be a happy, fulfilled person. The latter demands that we be true to ourselves and where money, when it happens, is treated as one more benefit, rather than a goal. It demands a change in the apples = oranges mentality.
Why waste your life by trying to live like someone else? You can’t live another’s life, however hard you try. Focus on your life instead of frittering it away by feeding your comparison addiction. Deal with it like any other addiction. Accept it and remain vigilant to ensure that it doesn’t overwhelm you. Make it a habit to treat yourself with more grace.
You are unique and cool, experiencing life in a way that no one else ever will. Does it get better than that? You are like a balance sheet – a mix of assets and liabilities. Make tradeoffs to ensure that the assets are always more than the liabilities. Make a list and see what you need to include or get rid of – the latter works better. Often, getting rid of irrelevant activities and people are key to opening your life space for new, better things. These decisions may not always be easy but they pay off in the long run. The mind, in the meantime, tries every trick in the book to keep you in the same old maze of of repetitive thoughts and actions. Overcoming mental resistance and welcoming new experiences can be liberating.
What matters most is not what you possess outside but what you have inside yourself. Feeling rich and fulfilled inside will manifest in your outside world too. You can get there by handling this moment well, doing what you like doing. Quit worrying about what others think. Most people are busy starring in their own life movies. If some choose to play annoying sidekick roles in your life because they are bored with theirs, feel free to kick them out. Always remember that you choose the characters in your script just as others do. If you hang around with people who spend their time gossiping and learning nothing new, your life becomes that way. If you surround yourself with smart, bold individuals, you will absorb those qualities. Rewrite the script to serve your needs, not someone else’s. Many people live lives of comparison because they follow scripts written by others. They always regret it later.
Once you recognize this, you understand how diverse every individual is. You celebrate them by listening to their stories rather than taking sides. You may not agree with them, but you still enjoy listening to them while pursuing your own interests. You are yourself and it doesn’t matter if others accept you or not. Those you respect and accept you will play a part in your script one way or another. This helps make life more of a celebration, not a comparison contest. Are you ready to rewrite your script and celebrate yourself?
“After so many years struggling to keep up with you, I finally realized we’re not even running the same race.” – Scott Stabile